From Hair Loss to Hair Love
Thriving Through Insecurities
I grew up with super healthy and thick hair, never had problems with my hair. I had that healthy, straight, black hair. My mother would style up my hair in any way possible (you know, that fountain hair kids have), and it’s totally fine.
That’s until I hit 13 years old. Hair started falling off unnoticed, then after a while, uncontrollably. Showering became a scary thing to do as I would see how much my hair shed. Blowing my hair is also a painful thing as I would be haunted by the amount of hair on the floor afterward. Going to the saloon is an activity I hate the most. One, they would pull my hair to an extent I can literally feel strands of my hair being plucked out. Two, they would give me countless advice (or sometimes criticisms) that I shouldn’t do this, should eat more of that, should try this, and that — basically, the last thing I need is people’s comments. Three, my frustration lead me to hostility towards people closest to me (my family). During the times, girls want to feel beautiful, my hair condition never let me have my way. I feel ugly.
I started questioning myself. What did I ever do to receive this? Why can’t I just be like other girls, who have long curly feminine-looking hair, go to the hair salon without people commenting on how thin their hair is, and feel good about themselves?
Then, questioning myself turns to hatred. I hated myself. I hated my situation. I hated my life.
I tried going to the hair salon, clinics, hospitals, you name it. I even started reading scientific research and journals trying to figure out what is wrong with my hair and what I can possibly do. Don’t even start talking about the amount of money I spent for the past years. Whatever things I try, no one is able to give me a proper diagnosis up until today.
I’m 24 now, which means I have been experiencing hair loss for half of my life. Truthfully, this journey has been one of a ride. There are times I feel anger, sadness, but nowadays, I accept. I accept that maybe I am different. Well, the fact is we are all made different. But I guess I just want to be different in a certain way, but not in any other way. Having hair loss isn’t a flaw, it’s just a hair situation that I experience differently.
As funny as it may sound, life is indeed more than just the amount of hair you have. Although it took me a while to realize it, 9 years that is, I’m grateful I came to that realization. Just like an image will come out the way a photographer projects and shoot it to be, so will life. Your life will turn out the way you perceive it.
For me, that chaos-turns-into-insight is my hair fall. For some of you, it might be your curly hair, dark skin, weight, acne, height, irregular jaw, or anything basically. Life leads me to these three facts you’ll need. Not to wipe out the insecurities, but to win over them.
- Focus is limited, so think carefully of where that focus is on.
According to Harvard Business Review, our brain can only take so much focus. There is no denying that focus helps us to be more productive and work more excellently. But, know that focus takes energy, and excessive focus on everything exhausts you. Since our focus is limited, so shall we be selective on the things we focus on. Back again, life is so much more than just the amount of hair you have, the number of followers you have on Instagram, or even the amount of money you have in your account. Give focus to the things that are most meaningful in life. - People who are h̶a̶p̶p̶y̶ in love are beautiful.
A friend once asked me, “Talitha, when do you feel the most beautiful?”
It took me a moment to reply, “When I’m in love. I feel the most beautiful when I’m in love with someone, with people, with the things I do, with greatly written books & movies, with vision, and with life.”
There’s this undeniable glow when people fall in love. The thing is beauty glow from the inside out. - Life needs a process to retrieve the most valuable things.
Nobody wants to live an empty and inconsequential life. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the highest need of humans is self-actualization. Self-actualization is “to achieve one’s full potential”. To uncover one’s full potential, one needs to fully go through life. Potential doesn’t just come knocking on your door on one beautiful day. Just like people who go treasure hunting needs to go through the obstacle to retrieve things of utmost value, so shall we go through the process and discover ourselves.
Honestly, my hair condition isn’t that different from what it is 12 years ago. Contrary to that, my perception is so much different.
Opening up isn’t easy, but I feel like it is the way to more growth and acceptance. As for you, do you have things you are insecure with?
